[Phone; a simple question asked in a quiet voice]

Who's the most dangerous person you know in Mayfield? Tell me about them. Zemekis has been noted.


Action; 726 Anderson Lane
[For several months now, Slugger has been compiling profiles of Mayfield's most dangerous people. It's a project he's tentatively titled "Mayfield's Worst Morons" (subject to change) and one he hopes will be useful for himself and those he considers allies. Included are descriptions of the town's top offenders, such as the Black Mage and the Major with crude but accurate sketches and "danger ratings", small bars scaled 1-10 based on their powers and likelihood to attack. Zemekis, of course, is the reigning champion king of worst morons with many pages dedicated to him/it. Other examples include:

( These Idiots... )


Despite the freezing temperatures, Slugger is seated on the steps of the front porch wearing his usual clothing with no coat. Balanced on his knees is a bound sketchbook on which he is busily scribbling away.]

[Filtered to nondroned members of K.N.D. and Legion of Doom. Each organization will receive its own filter and members will hear only the voices of those within their respective parties when replying. (If you are a kid or pet who would like to hear this message, assume requests for K.N.D. membership have been granted.) Members of Slugger's household, feel free to overhear or jump on another phone in the house.]

Reporting.

Samantha Achewood, also known as Jane Smith, is dead. A reliable source [Death, himself] believes her death is permanent. I don't know what happened, but on the last night she was alive, I saw something. 

I saw Jane Smith losing her mind in the street. I saw many people stop to speak with her. One was Police Chief Grady; he was the last to talk to her. I saw them vanish together. And the next day, I saw Jane Smith dead in the park.

That's all I know. Take note.

[ phone | filtered from: drones ]

Are there any flamethrowers in Mayfield? How do I get one?

Unrelated, someone who has killed their target and is willing to talk, I have a question...


[ filtered to: Pokey ]

Pokey.

...

Pokey?


[ action | Slugger never thought he'd see the day when he would have to use the gift Susan had given him at Christmastime. The surface of the wooden bat was still polished and smooth. He never thought he'd lose his real bat again, either, along with everything else the town had restored to him. Or perhaps the security of having his powers had gone to his head and he simply hadn't wanted to think about other possibilities. Now, with nothing left---not even his golden bat, he wishes he'd thought of it more. Better preparation could have served him well, but for the time being, he'll have to depend on improvisation.]

(A) Backyard at Home; 726 Anderson
[A gunshot rings out from behind the house. Minimal investigation will lead you to find Slugger standing in the yard with his back to the house and a revolver aimed to the ground. On his face is a sheepish look, eyebrows raised and cheeks puffed out. Somewhere, there's a bullet embedded in the dirt.]

(B) A Range of Accessible Public Buildings (school, hospital, dime store, etc.)
[A single swing of his bat shatters the glass casing around a fire extinguisher. Slugger, wearing a protective baseball helmet and an identity-concealing cloth over the lower portion of his face, bolts toward the nearest exit with the extinguisher under his arm. However, there is no indication of a fire in sight.]

[ Mayfield has a new paperboy. One who would much rather beat you to death with your own newspaper than deliver it to you. And above all, he would personally like to bludgeon whomever is in charge of these ridiculous job assignments.]

[Phone | Unfiltered ]

I don't want to be a paperboy.

But if Mayfield wants its newspapers, then Mayfield will get its newspapers.

[Consider this a warning.]


[Action | Early the next morning, Slugger begins his paper route for the very first time. With his teleportation abilities restored, the task is simple enough. However, he's less than thrilled about doing a job he considers pointless to the absolute degree, so he will use the opportunity to both get his prank on and express his displeasure. Results may vary from unusual to disastrous...

(A) At 5:00 AM; there's a loud THUNK against your door/window/wall/roof. Outside on the front lawn, Slugger tosses a rolled-up newspaper into the air and bats it across the yard with his baseball bat, aiming for the house. Feel free to catch him doing it to your house or to someone else's.

(B) Have you ever woken up at 5:30 in the morning and felt like someone, or something, is watching you? There is. It's the paperboy, here to deliver your paper with an eerie, silent grin first thing in the morning. Alternatively, you may wake up to find a newspaper in your bed, lodged beneath your pillow, or strewn all over the room.

(C) Residents (drone and non-drone alike) awaken to find their newspapers in strange places and/or horribly dismembered. Comment to discover the whereabouts and condition of your newspaper! Note that the paperboy will probably be long gone by the time you find it.

(D) After getting droned for the next six hours for behaving like a miscreant, Slugger merrily goes door to door delivering the rest of the newspapers with a skip in his step and unnerving cheer. (I don't know what his route is, but assume you are on it!) ]

 [ Phone |  Incoming transmission. Caller has but one question for the residents of Mayfield and is awaiting answers with paper and pencil at the ready. ...Caller may also be doodling pictures of Lex Luthor in various unflattering toupees as he waits.]


Are there ways to stop dreaming?

...

[Phone | unfiltered]

Mr. Liebert, you have a book for me?


[Action |  726 Anderson Lane.  After the call has been made, Slugger awaits the arrival of his schoolteacher, much to the soon-to-be-dismay of Edward.

[Also action |  That evening, there comes a knock on the door at 1451 Mitchell Road. If no one should answer, Slugger will do the honorable thing and invite himself in by stepping right through the front door.]

[Phone |  The telephone cord stretches from the kitchen all the way to the first step outside the door on the side of the house where, hopefully, this call will go unheard by other members of the household. "Christmas" and "gift-giving" are still very strange concepts in Slugger's mind.]


What do--

... ...

[Dammit, why is he even--  

Just. Spits it out.]    ...What do "mothers" like?


[Action |  While he ponders this, Slugger will be out shoveling snow off the driveway. It may look like a chore but he's actually doing this to uncover the icy death-trap and personal skating rink he created last week (which covers the entire driveway, the side-walk in front, and part of the street.)

And once the driveway is cleared, he'll be skidding up and down it -- he really does miss his skates. No, he does not care that he's about to cross into the direct trajectory of that oncoming vehicle.

SIDE-NOTE: One Edward Nigma may find that his socks have mysteriously gone missing...]

[Call Placement. Addressing: Mayfield. Filters: none.] 


Requesting advice... 

About teeth.  [He may be sounding a bit worried.]

Specifically, how do I... reattach one? 


[Oh, the horrors of dental maturation. Slugger doesn't understand and suspects this is some unnatural and cruel act of nature. 

ALSO, if you are one Edward Nigma, there may be something (not a tooth) hidden beneath your pillow. That something would happen to be a sheep's liver stolen from the local butcher shop. Consider it a "welcoming gift" from your new "son". Note that he has been courteous enough to wait only two days before stuffing it under there instead of the intended seven because he just couldn't contain his excitement.]

 Fellow residents of Mayfield, it has come to my attention that our town is overrun with evil. The Gouma... they have hidden themselves amongst our kind with hopes of capturing us as their hosts. But fear not, for it is my mission as the Holy Warrior to find and defeat them. 

Here me, Gouma of Mayfield, I will cleanse this town of your darkness!

[Slugger has ingested a sweet candy corn and is now patrolling the streets wearing a helmet, bed-sheet cape, and roller skates in search of evil entities he refers to as gouma. His "superpowers" allow him to see the aura of everyone he encounters and he will react according to the color of that individual's aura. 

A) You are glowing red -- you are a GOUMA -- and his task is to defeat you with his "holy sword", oh wretched one. 

B) You are glowing yellow. It is his duty to protect you, innocent villager. 

C) You are glowing blue, the color of princesses and magical sages, and he shall serve and protect you like the holy knight that he is.]

[ooc] Muns, choose the color of your character's aura.

[The phone is picked up, a call is placed. The voice on the line is, at first, dangerously calm—]


[—only to become a sharply hissed whisper]



[After being droned, humiliated, and murdered (and ultimately dissected by his attackers), this is what tips him into a rage: his missing bat.]