fifteen | Your friendly neighborhood paperboy does whatever a paperboy can

[strike_you_out]

[ Mayfield has a new paperboy. One who would much rather beat you to death with your own newspaper than deliver it to you. And above all, he would personally like to bludgeon whomever is in charge of these ridiculous job assignments.]

[Phone | Unfiltered ]

I don't want to be a paperboy.

But if Mayfield wants its newspapers, then Mayfield will get its newspapers.

[Consider this a warning.]


[Action | Early the next morning, Slugger begins his paper route for the very first time. With his teleportation abilities restored, the task is simple enough. However, he's less than thrilled about doing a job he considers pointless to the absolute degree, so he will use the opportunity to both get his prank on and express his displeasure. Results may vary from unusual to disastrous...

(A) At 5:00 AM; there's a loud THUNK against your door/window/wall/roof. Outside on the front lawn, Slugger tosses a rolled-up newspaper into the air and bats it across the yard with his baseball bat, aiming for the house. Feel free to catch him doing it to your house or to someone else's.

(B) Have you ever woken up at 5:30 in the morning and felt like someone, or something, is watching you? There is. It's the paperboy, here to deliver your paper with an eerie, silent grin first thing in the morning. Alternatively, you may wake up to find a newspaper in your bed, lodged beneath your pillow, or strewn all over the room.

(C) Residents (drone and non-drone alike) awaken to find their newspapers in strange places and/or horribly dismembered. Comment to discover the whereabouts and condition of your newspaper! Note that the paperboy will probably be long gone by the time you find it.

(D) After getting droned for the next six hours for behaving like a miscreant, Slugger merrily goes door to door delivering the rest of the newspapers with a skip in his step and unnerving cheer. (I don't know what his route is, but assume you are on it!) ]