fifteen | Your friendly neighborhood paperboy does whatever a paperboy can

[strike_you_out]

[ Mayfield has a new paperboy. One who would much rather beat you to death with your own newspaper than deliver it to you. And above all, he would personally like to bludgeon whomever is in charge of these ridiculous job assignments.]

[Phone | Unfiltered ]

I don't want to be a paperboy.

But if Mayfield wants its newspapers, then Mayfield will get its newspapers.

[Consider this a warning.]


[Action | Early the next morning, Slugger begins his paper route for the very first time. With his teleportation abilities restored, the task is simple enough. However, he's less than thrilled about doing a job he considers pointless to the absolute degree, so he will use the opportunity to both get his prank on and express his displeasure. Results may vary from unusual to disastrous...

(A) At 5:00 AM; there's a loud THUNK against your door/window/wall/roof. Outside on the front lawn, Slugger tosses a rolled-up newspaper into the air and bats it across the yard with his baseball bat, aiming for the house. Feel free to catch him doing it to your house or to someone else's.

(B) Have you ever woken up at 5:30 in the morning and felt like someone, or something, is watching you? There is. It's the paperboy, here to deliver your paper with an eerie, silent grin first thing in the morning. Alternatively, you may wake up to find a newspaper in your bed, lodged beneath your pillow, or strewn all over the room.

(C) Residents (drone and non-drone alike) awaken to find their newspapers in strange places and/or horribly dismembered. Comment to discover the whereabouts and condition of your newspaper! Note that the paperboy will probably be long gone by the time you find it.

(D) After getting droned for the next six hours for behaving like a miscreant, Slugger merrily goes door to door delivering the rest of the newspapers with a skip in his step and unnerving cheer. (I don't know what his route is, but assume you are on it!) ]

Comments

B.

[puzzlerprince.livejournal.com]

[Edward's curled up in bed, still asleep.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[A shadowy presence looms above Edward's sleeping form, not very tall but ominous nonetheless, and holding a rolled-up newspaper. Grinning, Slugger raises his hand slowly into the air...]

C

[notsaul.livejournal.com]

[WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HI AND LOIS YOU MONSTER]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[They are having a deep sea adventure because THEY ARE JAMMED IN YOUR TOILET, MADAME.]

D

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

[Well, he was just getting up bright and early when he notices you Slugger. He's about to call out something, when he sees your behaviorisms.

Oh dear god.

That's hysterical.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Whistling, the paperboy finishes dropping off your newspaper before he turns to spot you and SMILES.]

Morning, Pokey. Look I'm a paperboy!

[The enthusiasm is sickening.]

C

[commentboxtroll]

[He's running out of things to read, dude. WHY YOU GOT TO BE LIKE THAT?]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[But-!! You can still read it.

He only burned half of it...]

A

[hatescats.livejournal.com]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Slugger is too busy to notice at the moment because he's delivering a newspaper to one of your neighbors. Which is to mean, he's just batted a newspaper through the house's open window whereupon it smacks a drone the face.

Content with this, Slugger picks up his bag of papers and hefts it onto his shoulder with a grin.]

B

[deaths-heritor.livejournal.com]

[Surprisingly enough, Susan has never had that feeling. On occasion, she's the one doing the watching. When Slugger is done with Edward, he will, as usual, find Susan sitting up in bed reading.]

Shall I leave you a tip?

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[He appears quite suddenly seated atop the headboard just beside Susan. Elbows resting on his knees, he leans forward to peer down at her with a grin and an unmistakable air of mischief.]

Why. Got something?

[If it's money, he's not interested...]

A

[anastynastya.livejournal.com]

[ Who on earth was causing all of that racket at this ungodly hour? Was the sky falling in Mayfield yet again? Anastasia carefully opens the blinds and takes a peek. ]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Not the sky, just the news. The moment the blinds are drawn, a rolled-up newspaper hits the window. It strikes with enough force to rattle the pane in its frame but not enough to break the glass.

Out on the front lawn is a boy with a baseball bat and a sack full of papers. He seems quite pleased with himself.]

B

[hungry-monster.livejournal.com]

[Johan is at his desk. ..who sleeps in a bed anyway? But being stared at is enough to wake someone up. He rubs his forehead and looks over.]

Hello Slugger, is there something I can help you with?

[Nothing really phases him.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Slugger is surprised to find you asleep at all, Johan. Until now he couldn't imagine you being one to ever give in to sleep. He grins and takes a newspaper from the bag at his shoulder.]

So this is where you live.

B

[velvet-cake.livejournal.com]

[He's just sleeping on the couch, because who the hell gets up at 5:30 am.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[In another minute, you.

The backrest of the sofa creaks quietly as something fairly heavy settles upon it. Once seated, the intruder stares down at the sleeping man---or is it a boy? A lady? Whatever, he stares for nearly a whole minute before opening a page of a newspaper and teeeeaaaring it in two. At this ungodly hour, the sound is obscenely loud...]

A

[encored]

[ah, one of those rare occasions when he's kind of glad he's up at all hours! a window swings open only a few moments after the thunk and an irritated-looking child pokes his head out, looking for the source of the noise]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[If he happens to look down, Charles will likely spot a newspaper in the bushes beside his house. However, the true source of the noise can be found at the edge of the street stuffing a rolled-up newspaper into the exhaust pipe of a car...]

B

[miraculous]

[Witches don't need to sleep. Bernkastel is in the kitchen if Slugger chooses to stop in there before/after talking with Johan.

Basically Johan's house is the best house.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[After delivering a paper to Johan, Slugger appears at the kitchen table with no warning at all. Mostly, he just wants to see who has been assigned to live in the house with Johan. Upon arrival he clasps his hands neatly atop the table and watches Johan's "daughter" without a word.]

B

[crescented.livejournal.com]

[just kinda sits up

maybe it's Hanako...]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Behind him Slugger is leaning against the wall closest to the headboard. He watches the back of the man's head for a moment, then reaches forward to lightly tap him once on the shoulder.]

D

[miss-enma-ai.livejournal.com]

[Watching you walk by....]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Slugger is anything but himself as he carries on his door-to-door routine with insufferable glee. When he spots Ai, his cheeks take on a rosy tint and he immediately fumbles to tip his hat.]

Oh! G-good morning, Miss Ai. How are you?

B

[vertulpen.livejournal.com]

[Just sleeping away. He's a pretty heavy sleeper, so somebody watching him probably isn't going to wake him up. And now that the sofa is in the front room of the house and not on the lawn anymore, he's going to sleep even better.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[After staring

...and staring...

...and STARING...


Slugger finally proceeds to unfold a newspaper, take it apart, then cover you from head to toe in sheets of the Mayfield Times.]

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

[Tiffany is sitting on her bed reading a book. There is a pointed witches hat to the side on a table.

She glances over, and have a dry look that probably seems a lot like Susan's.]

Is there something I can help you with, or are you some other relation to England that I haven't met yet? Because if you are I'm getting quite annoyed at finding you in the house in the middle of the night and really how many of there are you?

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[This is the last time he hides in a closet. How did she even know he was there? He hadn't even started making noises yet. He slips out easily through the closet door without opening it and stares confusedly at the girl on the bed. Slugger can't fathom what she must be talking about.]

...One?