.........

I don't actually like being right all the time, you know. It can be upsetting every now and then.

Here's what we're going to do. Slugger? You're a lovely son, and I couldn't be happier with the present, but you're going to stay in your room now and you're going to make me cards. Do you understand? Lots and lots of cards, filled with gushy poetry and awkward stick figure scribbles. You'll give them to me tomorrow morning and I'll ooh and ahh suitably if you're still missing your marbles.

Edward? You're a terrible husband and I want you to reflect on the poor values you're teaching our son. Go to your study and sulk into a mirror and think about the lovely supper you'll be cooking for me tonight.

As for me, I'm going back to bed. Don't disturb me until supper, either of you, or I'll be very cross. Have I made myself clear?

[Susan holds up a finger for a second or two to glance around for any objections before drifting in the direction of the staircase. ...Two steps up, she'll pause, return, and snatch three of the chocolate boxes.]

I think I'll be needing these.